Still Alive
by Karai
Summary: SONG FIC Shuichi's to a concert, Yuki is home alone, what can happen? Simple, Yuki can't sleep because Shuichi isn't there. Song: Negative Still Alive If I say more, I'll spoil it for you... just read it yourself YxS little bit fluff
1. Still Alive

**Authoress: Karai**

**Editor: Chemical Connection**

**--: Still ****Alive:--**

12 o'clock and still no sign of any sleep…or Shuichi. Shuichi had gone to a concert, and he had said it might be late before he returned, and somehow, whenever Shuichi was gone, and came back late, Yuki couldn't get any sleep until Shuichi came home, and he knew 'his' brat was safe.

Of course, he didn't want Shuichi to find out about it, so he always acted like he was asleep, when he was positive Shuichi was coming in. Until Shuichi was asleep; Yuki acted like he was sleeping, before really drifting off into dreamland.

_These are those days, when I can get no sleep  
I'm so tired I'd like to fall into sleep  
I fall in my bed  
But still I'm awake_

Yuki still thanked Kami-sama every day for giving his brat to him… First, he didn't know how he was going to cope with Shuichi's presence, because it made him remember his past, but now, he can't even imagine a life without Shuichi.

Yuki sighed, giving up trying to fall asleep, he should have given it up in the first place, and he knows himself that he can't sleep anymore when the brat is around. "Great, just great… I have a deadline, and I need my sleep for that, else I'll just write enormous crap, or can't concentrate at all… Oh, what the hell is wrong with me, when that brat wasn't in my life, I could just sleep without needing anyone to be in my arms, why can't I do that now?" this question of himself, made Yuki wonder about his feelings for Shuichi, did he really love him?

_These questions in my mind are so much bigger than life  
But my life is short and I have to leave them behind  
I have to try to forget  
That I am still in my bed _

In my deepest fears I'm losing you  
Even if somebody tried to stop my heart  
I'm still alive I will never give up

Yuki walked to the living room, and crashed on the couch, he was so tired, and still sleep would not hit him. It felt just like he was in a desert, being very thirsty, but nowhere was there any water to drink, he needed it so much, but his worried mind kept avoiding him from falling into the paradise of rest.

_Just turn off the lights  
Don't wanna see me die  
I look like I'm dead  
But when you look at me  
I am still alive  
Just open your eyes  
Don't wanna see me cry  
I'm right here where you want me to be  
Fighting with myself_

Yuki was so tired, and felt so powerless, it felt just the same like the day he had killed Kitazawa. The night after; He was lying in his bed, and he couldn't think of anything else then the moment when he pulled the trigger. A loud bang, and after that, all he saw was red; red, red, red. Nothing else, just the dark red colour of blood, Kitazawa's blood.

_All I need to feel is your breath on my skin  
This endless longing between you and me  
We can't give up now  
We're gonna make it somehow_

The remembrance of that night, the night that had changed his life, made Yuki shiver. That was the last thing he wanted to think about when the brat was gone. '_I have to do something…_' Yuki thought, knowing he had to distract himself to stop himself going totally crazy. But his body was too tired, and too done in to get up, his limbs didn't react anymore. No part of him did.

This made Yuki feel awkward, he didn't like it when he felt powerless; it made him feel so small. But no matter how hard he tried, his arms and legs stayed on the same spot, not moving even an inch.

Yuki felt a cold breeze flowing over his body, before he noticed that the window was open, and he didn't have any robe on. '_Great, just fucking great…_' Yuki thought, before some sort of strange sleep crept higher through his body, just before it swallowed him, he knew what was happening: he was fainting.

_In my sweetest dreams I'm with you  
Even if somebody tried to stop my heart  
I'm still alive I will never give up_

_Just open your eyes  
Don't wanna see me cry  
I'm right here where you want me to be  
fighting with myself, with myself_

"Yuki, I'm home!" Shuichi yelled, when he came in at half past 1. '_He's probably asleep._' Shuichi thought, when he didn't hear any answer like 'Okairi', or 'damn'. He walked into the living room, when he noticed the window was still open. "That's strange; Yuki always closes the window before going to sleep."

Shuichi walked on where he saw Yuki lying on the cough, without a robe on, "Yuki are you nuts! You'll get a cold if you sleep here, especially without a robe!" He yelled, as he rushed over to his blond-haired lover. Shuichi placed a hand on Yuki's forehead; it was hot. "Oh, no, Yuki! Yuki wake up! Come on Yuki, wake up for me…" He said, slapping Yuki lightly in the face.

No effect.

"Oh no, he must have caught a fever, a cold, something.…" Shuichi said, trying to lift Yuki up, onto his shoulders, which after a few minutes did actually work. He walked to the bedroom, with Yuki draped over his shoulder, before gently letting Yuki fall on the bed, and tucking him in under 2 blankets.

"Shuichi?..." Yuki asked weakly, opening his eyes slowly.

"Hey, there we are again…" Shuichi said, kneeling down next to his lover while stroking his face, "You caught quite a fever there Yuki." He said, smiling towards the blonde.

"I… couldn't sleep…" Yuki admitted honestly, if it was the time to show Shuichi how he felt, it was now, Yuki thought, still in the throws of his sickness.

"Why not? You never had any troubles with that before, have you?" Shuichi asked puzzled.

"Actually, yes, I have, I never slept till you were home after all your concerts, I was just acting, I can't sleep without knowing you're with me." Yuki said weakly, feeling that he was starting to fall asleep. "Shuichi… Daiisuki (1)." Yuki said, before finally falling asleep.

Shuichi smiled, as soon as the words had found registration.

"I love you too." He said, kissing Yuki on the temple.

_Won't you open your eyes  
Don't wanna see me cry  
I'm right here where you want me to be  
fighting with myself  
I'm right here where you want me to be  
fighting with myself  
I'm right here where you want me to be  
fighting with myself, with myself.  
Ooh, I look like I'm dead  
but when you look at me  
I'm still alive_

**A/N: Well that was ****it; this songfic has been bothering my mind for ages, till I really thought I should write it down, so here it is. Now, I have something else to tell you. I want to make a deal with you guys, if I can get 20 reviews, I'll push myself to write another story like Yuki's Sickness aka Lemon. If you don't, I just won't, and will hang around like a lazy toad while doing whatever I want, so it's your choice... Ain't I nice?**

**1 – I've checked it up in a dictionary, and watched loads of animes, so for as far I know, it means I love you.**

**Song:**

**Band: Negative  
Song: Still Alive**


	2. My Immortal

**Authoress: Karai**

**Editor: Chemical Connection**

**--: My Immortal :--**

**A/N:** I'll make the lyrics **fat** and _Italian_ in this chapter, why, well, you'll see.

"_Let go!"_

_A bottle with wine was knocked against the floor, and the red liquid it contained, ran freely out of it. A blond haired teenager, the one who had knocked the bottle over, backed away from someone who was now swaying, trying to get a full standing position, and succeeding. The blond boy looked as white as a sheet, as his eyes were wide and filled with fear._

_**I'm so tired of being here**__**  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'cause your presence still lingers here**_

_**And it won't leave me alone**_

"_You're a good boy…"_

_A gun shot was heard, followed by another one, and another one. Three gunshots, and three bodies right in front of him. The gun fell out of his hand, as he looked at the three bodies. Blood was mixing with blood, eyes were standing widely open, full with surprise. The last expression of all three of them._

_He fell on his knees, not being able to tear his sight away from his deed. He had killed them… all three, with his own hands… he had killed them._

_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_

_**This pain is just too real**_

_**There's just too much the time cannot erase**_

_He felt a tag on his shoulder, and was finally able to tear his sight away to see who had tagged him. He looked around over his shoulder, and couldn't believe his eyes. "Sensei?"_

_His sensei nodded, "Yes Eiri, it's me."_

"_But how? You're dead!" Eiri said, getting panicked. 'How is this possible?' He thought, 'I… I… he's dead!'_

_A vicious laugh came from his former tutor, as he pointed at the place where the three bodies were lying, "Look again." He said, as he vanished into thin air. Eiri looked at the three bodies._

_His eyes widened, and his mouth fell open, as shock spread over his face like fire in hay. At the spot where his tutor's body should have been, was lying someone else. Eiri's eyes glided over the persons body. Pink hair, and amethyst eyes spread wide open with surprise._

"_Shuichi…" Eiri said breathless, as he put his hand over his mouth, "No… NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

_**When you cried,**__**  
I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream,**_

_**I'd fight away all of your fears**_

_**And I've held your hand through all of these years**_

_**But you still have,**_

_**All of me**_

"NOOOOOOO!!!" Yuki bolted up straight in his bed, sweat running over his face and spine like a river. He scanned the area, and noticed to his relief that he was in his own bedroom again.

"Yuki?..." A sleep drunken voice said, coming from next to him. Yuki looked next to him, and he could almost cry out of joy, there was his Shuichi, his brat, still alive with not an injury at all. "Are you ok?"

Yuki took a deep breath, "Yeah… I had an nightmare, but I'm ok now."

Shuichi sat up, striking the sleep out of his eyes with his fists. "I think it's the fever you've caught yesterday, Yuki. You're not fully recovered yet." He looked up at his blond lover, and saw the terror in his eyes. "You… you dreamed of him, didn't you?"

Yuki nodded slowly, pulling up his knees to let his head rest on them. "Yes, I dreamed of him, but the nightmare was worse than the real thing…"

"What do you mean?"

_**You used to captivate me**_

_**By your resonating light,**_

_**But now I'm bound by the life you left behind**__**  
Your face it haunts**_

_**My once pleasant dreams**__**  
Your voice, it chased away  
All the sanity in me**_

"Something occurred, something more terrifying than all that happened 6 years ago." Yuki said breathless, a shiver ran through his whole body as he recalled the picture of Shuichi, dead, with blood running freely out of the bullet hole on his forehead. Yuki felt his stomach grumble and twist, as he stood up and ran to the toilet. Too late though, and he threw up just in the hall way.

"Yuki!" Shuichi exclaimed, hearing Yuki throw up. He jolted out of his bed, and was beside Yuki within less then a second. He knelt beside his lover, putting his hand on his back, "Yuki…"

Yuki coughed, and threw up again, everything he had eaten not more than 3 hours ago was thrown out, and scattered over the floor. Shuichi waited patiently, till Yuki was done with throwing up, and silently counted the times Yuki did the nasty job. '_4 times._'

_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_

_**this pain is just too real**_

_**there's just too much the time cannot erase**_

"Yuki, why don't you go to the bathroom and clean your mouth and face, while I clean this up?" Shuichi asked sympatric when his lover was done. Yuki looked up at him, and nodded, not saying anything. He stood up, staggered for a moment before walking over to the bathroom.

Shuichi looked at the mess Yuki had made, before standing up and stepping over it, to go to the kitchen, in order to clean the mess up.

Yuki, at the other hand, stepped into the bathroom. Leaning on the washing table, he looked at himself in the mirror. The fever had taken its effect, as did the nightmare. Dark circles were around his eyes, as his cheeks were flushed a bit 'cause of the heat. He opened the tab, and took an amount of water in his mouth, gargled, and spit it out again. '_much better._' He thought, as he threw some water against his face. When he was done, he dried his face with a towel, before looking at himself in the mirror again. He did look better after washing, he noticed, as he got caught up in his thoughts about the nightmare.

Shuichi was busy wiping away the mess Yuki had made, when he heard Yuki choking. "Yuki, are you ok in there? Have you thrown up again?" he asked, as he walked over to the bathroom door, leaving the mess, a mess.

_**When you cried,**_

_**I'd wipe away all of your tears**_

_**When you'd scream,**_

_**I'd fight away all of your fears**_

_**And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have,**_

_**All of me**_

Shuichi opened the door just in time to see how Yuki bent over the toilet, throwing up again. He remained quiet for a while, Yuki was not noticing his presence. When Yuki was done once again, Shuichi spoke up, "What happened in that nightmare Yuki?"

Seemed like Shuichi scared Yuki a bit, as Yuki looked behind himself with wide eyes, to see who had let him startle, "Oh brat it's you, I didn't hear you coming." He grumbled, and unknown to Shuichi, relief washed through him.

"What happened in the nightmare, Yuki?" Shuichi asked firmly, putting his hands on his hips, and shooting his lover a strict look.

"It's none of your-"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR NIGHTMARE?!!!" Shuichi shouted. Yuki sighed, but decided to tell him.

_**I've tried so hard to tell  
Myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**_

"… and I saw you lying there, instead of Kitazawa…" Yuki finished breathlessly, horror was master in his eyes, as the terrible feeling of fear and guilt run through his veins and nerves. All an effect of having to have re-experienced the nightmare.

Suddenly, Yuki felt Shuichi's arms around his waist, as he felt Shuichi's head upon his back at the same time, "Don't worry, Yuki, that's never gonna happen, you've changed too much for it. I think you'd freak out at the sight of a gun alone, left alone holding it, and shooting me. Besides, what happened in the past, was not your fault, it was Kitazawa's… He shouldn't have abused you in the first place." Shuichi said, tightening his grip, and closing his eyes. A single tear made its way down his face. "I love you Yuki…" he whispered, "And if I could make you forget the past, I would… but I can't."

"Yes you can Shuichi…" Yuki spoke up, standing up straight. He turned around in Shuichi's embrace, and laid a hand upon Shuichi's pink hair. "Maybe not now, but I think that it just needs more time… I need more time, you need more time, we need more time to leave the past behind us… But I think, that if we stay together, it will work." Yuki whispered, Hugging Shuichi tightly.

When they finally pulled apart, Shuichi said, "Clean your mouth again Yuki, I'll go clean the mess in the hallway."

_**When you cried,**_

_**I'd wipe away all of your tears**_

_**When you'd scream,**_

_**I'd fight away all of your fears**_

_**And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have,**_

_**All of me**_

Yuki put his arms around Shuichi protectively, before kissing his pink-haired head, "Shuichi?"

-"Yeah?"

_**Me**_

"You know I love you right?"

_**Me**_

"Yeah I know…" Shuichi answered sleepy, laying his head against Yuki's chest.

Both lovers fell asleep right after each other, while still holding one another.

_**Me…**_

**A/N:** Well, that was it. this is another chance for you to get to the 20 reviews, and when you do, I'll write a lemon, and the 20th reviewer can choose which it's a one, two, or three shot! So R&R like mad people! I'll be back!

**Song:**

**Band: Evanescence  
Song: My Immortal**


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